Okay, not the worse thing in the world, but the worst thing about my job. The worst thing about my job is not the constant delays (those effect us too) the extreme lack of sleep or irregular schedule. The worse thing about my job is the constant leaving. Now I love to travel, I seriously love to travel. But leaving for work and leaving for an adventure on purpose are very different things. On occasion, work becomes an adventure, and I am grateful for that benefit. I like not knowing what will happen the next day on the job. Perhaps I should be more specific. The worst thing about my job for me, is constantly leaving Ben.
I wake up early because my flight is at 6 am and I pry myself from sleep and my husband’s clinging arms. Every time my alarm goes off to tell me it is time to leave, my bed, and Ben cuddling with me has never felt better. I stumble to the bathroom and put my hair up in bobby pins, because I always shower before bed when I have to wake up early. It is sticking out and whirling in directions that make it clear my curl has a mind all its own. I pin it into submission, wash my face and brush my teeth. I struggle into panty hose (they may be the bane of my existence) and my uniform that I set out the night before so I didn’t forget to put on my skirt or something. I’m about ready to go at this point, since I do my make up in the car waiting for the bus. At this point I should usually be leaving.
Now I’ll tell you something Ben almost certainly doesn’t know, owing to the fact that he is the hardest sleeper I’ve ever encountered.
I see him there, sleeping peacefully, curled on his side, and I lay down along his back and hug him to myself. He doesn’t stir. I pretend for about three minutes that I don’t need to leave him for four days and that we can just lay that way until we want to get up in the morning. Then I have to leave him, and some of the time I truly want to cry.
I have walking out of that apartment and leaving him sleeping behind me. I clunk my luggage down the stairs and haul it to my car.
Now I’ve been doing this leaving for about 3 years, and I don’t think its gotten any easier. Yes, we are newly weds, but the relationship isn’t exactly new and I felt like this before and after we got married. I realize this all sounds very dramatic, but it feels that way. Maybe it is because its dark and things always seem worse in the dark, maybe we spend to much time together, maybe I’m just a big baby, maybe I would care less if we had been together eighteen years instead of eight. But what ever the reason, it is still how I feel.
When Ben and I first started dating we lived in different cities about 2 hours apart. We spent a lot of time on the phone. I would say to him that I liked to hear that he missed me. Once he responded, “The worst thing about being missed is that you have to be gone.”